To my new lofty neighbors,

Excuse me, ma'am. Yes you. The woman who walks her 3 large dogs on long retractable leashes only she can't retract them because she's juggling too many dogs...1 dog above the 2 pet limit for our building. Yes you. I see that you have some of those building provided disposable dog waste bags tied to one of your leash handles. Can you tell me why you never use them? As I walk by and see your dogs squatting and straining to poo, I try to make eye contact with you hoping to shame you into picking it up but you never look over. I've even considered asking if you'd like to use one of my bags. But I'm afraid to get too close, as your unruly dogs don't seem to mind very well. And since my dog is old, I'd rather he not be assaulted by your horde of animals.

Oh, and you sir. You, over there. Yeah, your dog is in my and my dog's business and you seem to have no regard for this being a community space and not your personal backyard. This is an open street. Cars drive on this street. You coming down here and unleashing your dog to have him run willy nilly is not only unsafe, but IT IS ILLEGAL. I know you want him to have freedom to roam. Perhaps you should look into visiting a fenced dog park or buying a backyard. But, for the time being, I will stick my foot in your dog's chest to keep him from trying to dominate my dog's face. Yes, I know this is natural dog behavior, but I have no intention to form a 'pack' with your unmanageable dog. Therefore I see no point in letting him hump and risk starting a fight. Since my own dog has alpha tendencies, I KEEP HIM ON A LEASH so I can control his actions. Perhaps you should consider this too. Oh wait, that might interfere with your ability to two-handed text on your phone and ignore your dog while you're down here. Oh well.

Oh, and you, other guy. Thanks for picking up your dog's poo in one of these clever bags. I really appreciate you doing so. Can I just ask one favor? Can you not just tie it off and throw it on the ground? Sure, I like being able to see from a distance that there is poo there, but, come on. I already have to contend with the landmines left from every other dog owner like 'lady with three dogs' and 'unleashed texting guy.' Surely, you don't think that the two trashcans on your way back to the building are only there for looks. They do function nicely as trashcans.

And you, nice guy who also lets his dog roam unleashed. When you tell me, "Oh, he's friendly," as your dog is bee-lining at full speed towards my elderly & crotchety (but most importantly LEASHED) dog, why don't you ever consider that maybe my dog isn't friendly? What would happen if this approach by your dog were considered a threat to either me or my dog and mine react to protect? Would you think that it's my fault? I'm just trying to be prepared for the inevitable.

And to most of the rest of my neighbors: you all seem perfectly nice. I'd really like to meet and talk to you as I am walking my dog and bagging his poo. But, I am so turned off by your inability to respect this common area, that I don't want to start talking and then get snarky when your dog squats and you fail to clean it up. It would be like if I were outside my old house in the weeks before we moved and my miserable next door neighbor were to come over and ask why we decided to move. "Because you are a miserable old lady." Yeah. AWKWARD. So, I just kept my head down to avoid having to talk to her. And I'll do the same with you, my new lofty neighbors, unless I see you scooping poo. Then I may wander over and have a little chat and pet your leashed dog.

Love,
Me